


Dramatic Bitches A.K.A The Avengers

by unintelligible_mumbling



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Auntie Nat is gonna fight Donald Trump, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Crack, Domestic, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Humor, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Sassy Tony Stark, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 05:51:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19717507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintelligible_mumbling/pseuds/unintelligible_mumbling
Summary: What are we supposed to do about that?” Bucky asked, motioning to the Tv. And, as if that hour couldn’t get any more chaotic, the news flashed with “The Black Widow threatens Trump...”“Oh flipping hell.” Steve, who had previously just been observing the messy conversation. “Hey, I know we have a situation here, but can you watch the fucking language?” Tony joked, though his facade not leaking any humour. “Are you joking! It was five years ago! Let it go already!” The captain groaned.-Including...-Clint and Vents-Domestic shit-idiots-Sassy Tony Stark





	Dramatic Bitches A.K.A The Avengers

**Author's Note:**

> I’m actually pretty proud of this... well the start of it at least. I also have so many ideas for new fanfics to write but I really can’t be arsed so you might have to deal with a few more one shots. (Or my crappy Baby Driver fanfics... and trust me when I say nobody wants that.) 
> 
> Also, I attempted to make this all crack so please tell me how I’ve done, enjoy!!!

“Boss, Baby Boss, Sargent Barnes has requested a team meeting on the common room floor.” F.R.I.D.A.Y informed the genius, who just groaned, his head hitting the table with a dull ‘thump’. Peter, who was less dramatic as his father figure, just stood and tiredly made his way to said floor. 

“Come on Dad, you know how grumpy uncle Buck gets when you don’t show up,” the brunette chided. “Yeah, Yeah I’m on my way,” he mumbled, still not moving as his kid reached the elevator. 

Finally, grabbing his ‘slug’ smoothie, he made his way upstairs. Which, looking back at, he regrets. He should have stayed in the lab. 

-

As he -finally- made his way into the room, he knew instantly this was going to be a horrible experience. 

“Stark, I have to tell you something” The winter soldier eyed him as he sat opposite him. Tony smirked, taking an agonisingly long slurp from his smoothie, making sure to keep eye contact with the man the whole time. Seemingly minutes later, he took a small gasp for air, and replied with an innocent “what?” 

Clint fell from the air vents, landing wobbly on his feet, “What?” He mimicked in a too high pitched voice, swiping the too small, pink, heart-shaped sunglasses from his face. Tony didn’t ask, whenever he asked he just ended up with more questions. 

“Wait, where’s the kid? He said he was on his way up.” Tony suddenly remembered, eyes sweeping across the room. “Rah!” Peter roared, falling from the ceiling and right in front of the hero, who screeched slightly, earning a near punch around the face, which Peter narrowly missed. 

“Geez, Dad your reactions are getting slower and slower,” he jokingly told the billionaire who lightly slapped him around the back of the head (neither of them even realising he called him Dad and not his usual ‘Mister Stark’). “I told you to stop doing that,” he hissed, whilst the others in the room finally stopped laughing. “I tOlD yOu To StOp DoInG tHaT,” Peter mimicked, earning a high five from his uncle Clint. 

“How do you even do that with your voice?” Tony muttered, brows furrowed in question. “It’s a natural talent,” Peter shrugged off. 

“YOU ARE ALL GETTING DISTRACTED!” Thor boomed from the kitchen, making everybody wince. “We can hear you just fine! You don’t need to shout, dipshit!” Sam growled. 

“Oh, my apologies, son of Will, but the Sargent here had a question.” Thor reminded them as he entered the living area with a plate full of at least 10 pop tarts. 

“Yeah, I do. What are we supposed to do about that?” Bucky asked, motioning to the Tv. And, as if that hour couldn’t get any more chaotic, the news flashed with “The Black Widow threatens Trump...” 

“Oh flipping hell.” Steve, who had previously just been observing the messy conversation. “Hey, I know we have a situation here, but can you watch the fucking language?” Tony joked, though his facade not leaking any humour. “Are you joking! It was five years ago! Let it go already!” The captain groaned. 

“Uh, What?” Bucky questioned, not being there when the joke started. “I said language once, now nobody will let me swear,” he hissed, eyes narrowing at Tony. “What, don’t look at me like that, I will not hesitate to evict you,” The philanthropist huffed, another one of his many signature smirks plastered on his face. 

“Guys! You’re getting distracted... again,” Bruce told the group, motioning to Natasha as she strode in. “Whooo! Go, Auntie Nat!” Peter hollered, high fiving the ginger woman as she stalked past. 

“No, Peter, she wasn’t meant to do that! She could get us in so much trouble... oh god Pepper’s gonna kill me.” He trailed off. “Oh my god! NAT PLEASE FIGHT DONALD TRUMP!” Peter squealed. 

“YES! FIGHT DONALD TRUMP!” Clint hollered, falling yet again from a ceiling vent, landing harshly on Tony’s foot. “For fuck's sake Barton! How the fuck did you get back up there!?” The genius screeched, pushing him off his toes. 

“Oh no, your poor, injured toes.” Sam mocked. “Bitch, please, no part of me is poor.” Tony scoffed, with a roll of his eyes. “Uh huh, sure,” Bucky chuckled. “Hey, you can ask my doctor, ain’t that right, brucey bear?” Tony hummed, motioning to the scientist only to see him reading a fashion magazine, with soundproof headphones on. 

“Oh for fucks sake, I knew I’d regret making him them,” Tony growled. “Language,” Peter chimed as he jumped down from the ceiling, yet again. Though this time he landed o Steve, who let out a high pitched squeal. 

“Damn, hey Greasy, does he sound like that in bed?” Sam threw at Bucky, who just pushed him off the sofa with a glare. 

“Oh, golly gosh, who thought the star-spangled man with a plan would scream like that?” Tony asks in faux shock, not even bothering to hide his smirk. 

“Did you just refer to our Captain as ‘a star-spangled man’?” Thor shouted, making even Bruce wince. “Jesus Christ, don’t speak with your mouth open.” Nat chided with a laugh as she watched him stuff another pop tart in his gob. 

“And, to answer your question, yes I did” Tony smirked, before breaking out in song, to which everyone-But said star-spangled man- joined in with. 

“Who will redeem, head the call for America,  
Who’ll rise or fall, give his all for America,  
Who’s here to prove that we can?  
The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!” They finished, all bursting with laughter. 

Not one of them noticed Pepper enter and immediately leave again once she saw what was happening. 

“Well, Stark why don’t you suck my star-spangled ding dongs?” he snarked to Tony. “You saw that on Instagram, bitch!” Tony cackled, slapping his knee as he tried to catch his breath. Jeez, he’s gonna have a six pack from laughing at the end of this. 

“Hey, Dad Mr Stark Sir?” Peter piped up, grabbing the mans attention. “Yeah, Kiddo?” He replied, laughter still bubbling in his throat. “Can we get take out tonight?” He asked, fingers crossed in hope behind his back, because hell, he’s been craving some egg fried rice all week. 

“But I wanted to cook dinner tonight!” Both Bucky and Thor protested loudly. “No! Last time the two of you tried to cook that cake you set the whole north wing on fire”. “That wasn’t me!” They both squawked. 

“Yes, kid, we can have take out, what do you want?” He asked, turning back to his mentee (...son). “Umm, food???” He stated, as though obvious. “Well, yeah Pete, I kinda gathered. What type of food do you want?” Tony pointed out. “Ohhh, yeah I knew that. Umm... Chinese?!” He hummed. 

“You see, the problem with you geniuses is that you have absolutely no common sense.” Sam pointed out, lounging further back into the sofa. “Shut up bird brain, need I remind you of that time you flew into bulletproof glass because you thought it’d break if you shot it hard enough?” Tony scoffed. 

“Hey, you said you wouldn’t tell anybody about that!” He growled at Bucky. “Yeah, I also said I liked you but hey, that’s not exactly true,” he shrugged off whilst Sam spluttered out a shitty comeback. 

“You won’t like me when I’m angry.” Sam huffed, voice an octave higher in a poor attempt to copy Bruce’s voice (who was still oblivious to the whole situation.) “we don’t like you anyway.” Bucky shot back, pretending to inspect his metal nails.

“Instagram, again,” Tony mumbled in the background as he searched a nearby Chinese restaurant’s menu. 

“Oh, by the way, I need someone to pick me up from school tomorrow.” Peter reminded. “It’s my turn, right?” Clint asked, body half hanging out of (another fucking) vent. “Oh, yeah I think so, thanks.” 

“So... are we just gonna to leave the problem which is Nat getting into an argument with Trump or...” Bucky questioned. “Yeah, I can't be arsed to deal with it now. That’s future me’s problem.” Tony shrugged as he lay further into the chair. 

“TONY!” 

“Is that...” The man in question stared with wide eyes. “Yeah...” Peter answered as the door burst open to reveal a fuming Pepper. “What have I told you guys about picking fights with the fucking government!”

“Language!” Bucky chided.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> Kudos, comment and constructive criticism is all deeply appreciated, so tell me what you think!!!


End file.
